To love, honor, and cherish, the words in the marriage vow that have the most meaning and are to often the ones that seem to be the easiest to forget. I would like to discuss the meaning of each of these and how they should be upheld by both the husband and the wife. However before we get into the vows and what they mean and how to uphold them during the marriage lets discuss the pre-marriage relationship.
Each of us enters into a relationship with what I like to call a candy heart. We see the other individual as the person of our dreams and over the course of time we begin to see tiny flaws, or things that annoy us. Our love for the person makes us think that in time and with our guidance, we can eliminate these imperfections and mold our mate into what we have always desired. This thinking is the cause of many failed marriages. I had two failed marriages of my own before I realized that if you love someone you have no right to ask them to be anyone other than the person they have been their entire lives. Look really hard at your intended, find every flaw that you can, and then ask your self before committing to a marriage, "Can I live with this for the rest of my life?" Realize that you cannot change someone else and if you conclude you can live with, and love this person after viewing them in a realistic way your marriage will be long and happy.
When a couple begins planning a life together the conversations are mostly about the future and the plans of home, children, and such. This is a natural thing but one that also causes problems. Everyone says that after you are married things change and the reason for this is you go from planning the future to living in the present. The future is always bright and full of hope, but the present is filled with daily problems, stress and disappointment. The best way to deal with this is to understand that you both are on the same side. Marriage should never be me against you but us against everything that can and will go wrong. And now I will move on to the love, honor, and cherish part of this discussion because it is there where we will discover how to make a good and lasting love affair.
We promise to love our spouse unconditionally in our marriage vows. That means we would be willing to do whatever it takes (within the boundaries of godliness) to ensure their happiness. I write my husband love letters every day to assure him that he is loved and wanted. He does the same for me. I would never ask him to do anything outside his moral beliefs and he would never ask me to. As a wife it is my pleasure to take care of him and our home and see to it that there isn’t anything he is lacking. As a husband he shows his caring by providing me whit anything I should want, and if I need time to myself he doesn’t mind. I do all of the housework and cooking in our home not because I have to but because I believe it is a way of showing him how much I love him. But he does pitch in every now and then but that is his choice and it is not something he is expected to do. Everything you do in your relationship should be out of love for your mate and the rewards you will find in your heart are massive.
The best way to honor your mate is by supporting him in all his decisions. There are many times that my husband will make a decision I do not agree with or may have reservations about but I defer to him after expressing my thoughts on the matter. If he makes a bad decision I never, never, say, "I told you so." That phrase should never enter into any conversation in a marriage. It is the utmost in dishonor. All the major decisions in our life are his responsibility and I am not foolish enough to think that everyone can be right all the time, so when he is wrong he is wrong and it is never mentioned again.
I also honor him by letting him know how much I appreciate all the effort he puts forth both in understanding me and my flaws and in the hard work he continues to do every day to provide for us.
What does it mean to cherish someone? It means to hold them above all else. They are second in your life only to God. When you cherish your mate you make them feel loved and wanted. Their needs are always at the top of the list and you nurture them emotionally. The biggest reason that married people have affairs is not for the sex, although sex is the biggest example of an affair. People stray because they no longer feel needed, or wanted, or important. These are things we all need to feel and if they are neglected at home then they are sought elsewhere. I am not saying that there are not those who go out and have affairs just for the excitement, but I believe that most affairs begin with an unmet emotional need. By cherishing your mate you will never neglect them emotionally.
In our marriage the role of the woman is to be supportive and take care of all the traditional things that have been expected of women since the creation. Many people would say that I am subservient but that is not the case at all. I am submissive, and I am submissive because I choose to be. My role is to take care of my husband, to be a woman, and to see to it that he is happy. The reward for this is that I get treated like a woman, and I like that. I like getting little gifts for no reason, or having the door held for me. I like being treated tenderly and having my emotions considered. I would not trade my life with the most powerful or liberated woman on the planet.
The role of the husband is to be attentive to the needs of his wife, to treat her with respect and love. He takes care of all of her needs to the best of his ability, and should never, ever, try to dominate her. The strength of a man is different from the strength of a woman and his strength should sustain his wife when her own strength is failing. A man should be willing to do everything in his power to care for the woman he has chosen to spend his life with. All major decisions should fall to the husband, but he should be willing to accept his wife's input for consideration before making that decision. The wife however should be clear that it is only her opinion and she does not expect him to do as she wishes nor should she be angry if he does not follow her advice.
MARRIAGE or PARTNERSHIP:
In today's society people think of marriage as a partnership, but marriage can not be a partnership. A Marriage is based on mutual emotions and emotions have no place in partnerships. In a partnership people come together with the mutual goal of running a business. In a marriage people come together with a mutual goal of sharing a life. God set forth the roles of husbands and wives and these roles are what make marriages work. If you consider your marriage a partnership, then you are not emotionally married you are only married on paper and the partnership can b dissolved through divorce. If you consider it a marriage then you are bound by the heart and it can never be broken.
The order of family is as follows and if you follow that order you will succeed.
The husband must answer directly to God so why should the wife not answer to the husband. It is after all the first order God gave directly to women.